Contradictory

“I know, I’m not alone, but I feel lonely. I know one should be optimistic but I’m pessimistic. I know things we do should make us happy, but I always regret what I have done. I know that relationships depend on people, but I prefer depending on other’s experiences.”

I was a pessimist about relationships. I was the one who always judged the word “relationship” depending on people’s experiences. I was the only listener to their radio channel. I was never given a chance to experience it or may be I never gave a chance. I wish I had given a chance, but I’m glad I didn’t.

I wish I had someone who could make me optimistic, take away those lonely feelings. I wish I had someone who could make me believe in him rather than on the word ‘relationship’. I wish I had someone who could be brave enough to be by my side in fighting all my fears. I wish I had someone who could understand my silence, and make me feel comfortable. I wish I had someone who could listen to my complains, rants and then humbly convince me. I wish I had someone who would be on my side always and never give up on me.

I wish….

All I wish, was about to be a reality. But then I see bad in good things.

I wish I was an optimist. I wish I had given a chance. I wish I had trusted the person who was brave enough to fight all my fears along with me, but I chose to fight them all alone. I wish I believed in him when he said, “trust me, screw the word relationship”. Instead, I screwed everything up.

They say to gain something, you need to loose something. May be it’s true.

I wish I won’t regret choosing to fight my fears all alone.